Posts tagged Writing
Unbroken and Appropriate: Cultivating the Self-Compassion to Do Our Work

When my son was about two-and-a-half, I was sitting on the couch reading a Winnie the Pooh board book to him when he fell down on the floor and made a number of peculiar movements. I didn’t know what was happening. He was late to talking, so wasn’t able to communicate all that clearly yet. Within moments, I realized he was just acting out the story. But until I connected those dots, I couldn’t understand what was happening and his behavior seemed weird and worrisome. That behavior was completely appropriate, but I didn’t see it that way until I understood the premise from which he was acting.

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Tips for the Writing Journey

My rights have been returned!

Wait a minute. The rights for two books I signed over to the publishing company. The rights they accepted. Now, they were returning them? What exactly did that mean? That my two books would no longer be available? What about the separate year-long journeys of edits and re-edits I made? And what about all the time I had invested in writing them? And who could forget the waiting game I played—on editorial suggestions, on design, on production. Then came the day when I finally held a copy of each book, along with the excitement that I had written what lay inside the covers. Now, it was all over.

I emailed my executive editor, who was a successful novelist, writing coach, and inspirational article writer. Also, a friend. I needed comfort … reassurance. Was I finished as a writer?

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ENVY: or The Greasy Green Perils of the Writing Life

I recently published my seventh book and first collection of short stories, THE MAN WHO LOVED HIS WIFE. It's both my best book and my worst launch. That's because there was no launch. My indie publisher, Mayapple Press, has plenty of grit and commitment, but only enough pennies in the publicity budget to afford to put my book on their website.

A few weeks before my own non-launch, a friend from grad school published her second novel with a Big Five house. It was promptly reviewed in The New York Times Book Review and elsewhere. As bad as that was, it was nothing compared to googling her stats and finding that she had some 744 reviews on Goodreads--compared to my six.

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Our Path: Getting Over Obstacles, Resistance, and Retreat

When I worked at a daycare years ago, there was a five-year-old boy there named Phil. Slender and taller, with light blond hair and white, somewhat pasty skin, he often looked as though he’d been torn from bed only moments before arriving. Even while we were talking, I felt like I should be careful not to wake him. Phil seemed exhausted – if not by lack of sleep, then by lack of interest and the intrusion of the unwanted, bustling outer world. He often arrived in a worn t-shirt, pajama bottoms, and tall, black rubber boots, and would soon disappear into one of the play structures and remain there for, it seemed, as long as possible.

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Trying to Get: Giving Ourselves What We Need and Already Have

When I was twenty-one, freshly graduated from college, I was offered an internship at a small publishing house in San Diego, whose unique children’s books I greatly admired. I’d written a novel for children and studied visual art and was thinking this was a logical step that might lead to a job. They accepted my proposal and I drove to San Diego, rented a studio apartment, and stayed for three months. But overall, I wasn’t happy. I’d strategized to try and get something, but wasn’t really there for the actual experience; I was there for the future security I thought I should try to get. But in striving to connect the dots to a job, I had failed to connect me as well and was strangely absent from the picture.

After the internship, I returned to Seattle, distressed about what kind of work to pursue. Eventually, exhausted from doubting myself and trying to figure out my life, on an impulse, I interviewed for part-time work at a daycare. As I approached the large room filled with 30-40 four and five year-olds, a little girl named Ella stood before me wearing a dress and a long strand of large beads, her straight brown hair cut short and blunt with bangs. She greeted me as though she were the prime minister of a small but dignified country and took me in. Ella had much to say and I was interested. As I sat across from her and her friends, without trying to get anything, I discovered both a new world to love and more of myself.

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The Power of Asking

It was the day of the Aurora Awards in Vancouver, and Spider Robinson, science fiction grandmaster and author of The Callihan Series, was at the front desk of the hotel where the convention was taking place, asking directions on how to get to Granville. Seeing him there, I had a window of opportunity. I do a podcast called Just Joshing in which I interview authors and other creative people, and here was a living legend in front of me. I looked at myself in the mirror and shrugged, “The worst he can say is no.” I asked Spider Robinson to come on my show. Not only did I get a yes, but he gave me his email and his phone number so I could contact him.

Our conversation was epic. Spider is a man who has lived a very magical life, and it was inspiring listening to him talk about the White House, completing that Robert Heinlein manuscript, and mourning his wife Jeanne. In that conversation, I got a glimpse of the man behind the legend, and I’ll never forget it for as long as I live.

A lot of my success has come from asking. Whether I ask a guest to come on my show, or submit a pitch to an editor, or request a meeting with an agent, there is power with coming out there and asking for what you want. It's something I realize that neither writers nor editors do enough of. Why don't we? When I ask fellow creatives about this, eyes look downward and people get nervous when they answer me. Rejection is a difficult pill to swallow with even the simplest requests.

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Unstuck: Keeping Up With the Speed of Life

Our cat Olive died the other day. I had to take a moment to remember we’d had nine years with her; the time had gone by in a flash. Mixed with my current experience of her death is memory of her rolling on the sidewalk, times petting her, all those moments she ran to greet me, and the first time we met. It’s all one. Life moves and keeps moving, swallowing itself as it goes.

Though I felt sad that Olive’s physical self was no longer present, something also left me feeling she wasn’t so much gone as on the go. I think there’s movement in death, just like in life. And death is part of the movement of life. In life, when we keep up with the creative energy within us and where it wants to go next, we feel fulfilled and fully ourselves, leaving behind old forms as we go. Olive was onto the next thing and, perhaps, just keeping up with life. This thought was followed by a strong impulse and desire in me to keep up with my own life better, because these days I’ve been feeling a little out of step with myself.

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What Are the Odds?

Because I want to improve my craft, I join organizations for writers. One such group, Triangle Area Freelancers, meets monthly. Like everything else during the pandemic years of isolation, these formerly in-person meetings are now relegated to internet gatherings via Zoom. Added to the regular get-togethers were Zooms with well-known authors, organized by our TAF founder, Donald Vaughan. Recently, the featured talk was by Sean Flynn, an acclaimed journalist who’s written for Esquire and GQ; he often reports harrowing stories like that of the boys trapped in a flooding cave in Thailand.

Sean Flynn has written a non-fiction book about peacocks that is also about the meaning of life, serving as a memoir in addition to being a celebration of this enchanting bird.

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What Does Freedom Feel Like? Unconditional Permission to Live

When I was in high school, as Friday’s classes came to an end and I stepped out of the building to get on the bus that would take me home, I almost always felt free. Friday afternoons, beginning the moment school was out, was the lightest time. All heaviness lifted off me and my mind was close to completely unburdened. I’d been to school but now I was on the other side of that story; I’d crossed the bridge and had, in my possession, two unspent days ahead, two days in the bank, to do with as I pleased.

Those Friday hours were like a bonus – once spent, I still had Saturday. And it was okay to spend Saturday because I still had Sunday. But once Sunday arrived, the feeling of freedom had dwindled almost entirely in anticipation of Monday. There’s no difference technically between Saturday’s and Sunday’s unscheduled hours, but I no longer felt free – because how we feel depends upon our focus and frame of mind.

Early on I came to equate the relief of not having to do anything with freedom, but later discovered this makes for an incomplete equation. Not having to do anything is like not having to spend what we have, which can feel like relief, but there is more freedom in investment. When we invest, we pour fuel into the plane so it can soar. This is what we’re doing when we work on things we love. But even during the final stages of a beloved project, my mind can fill with projections and judgments and those thoughts can spark worry, which feels heavy. Once the project is completed, often a “lifting” occurs and I feel freed, not because the work has ended, but because the worrisome mind activity about the work has ceased.

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Writing Past Loss of Trust: The Effects of Plagiarism

I will never forget when my first manuscript was taken. I was a new mother and wife in my early twenties. My husband and I were members of a leadership team for a growing, well-known, and often controversial congregation.

Raised by religion to be a silent participant, I had a lifetime of abusive molding in the name of submission. By my teen years, I had learned staying silent was safer.

However, longing desperately to be understood, I wrote in diaries. In those accounts, I would pose questions about how I saw women being treated. I would likewise write about my confusion surrounding childhood abuse.

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How to Pitch Your Book to the Media

Steps for finding the right media contacts, writing a great pitch, and getting better engagement

How do books get covered by digital magazines, newspapers, TV talk shows, and radio programs? Publicists spend a lot of time cultivating relationships with specific media contacts to help their authors’ books get the recognition they deserve. After more than a decade of helping our clients secure coverage in top outlets like The New York Times, NPR, Good Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan and many more, I have some time-tested strategies that will help you find, pitch, and get more responses from the media outlets you want to reach.

But first, what is a “pitch”? A pitch is a succinct, persuasive email sent from a publicist (or you as the author) to a media contact about a book, for the purposes of getting that book “covered” or featured in some way by the outlet.

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You Are the Creative Center

When I was little and practicing the ABC Song, at the end we’d sing, “Now I know my ABC’s, tell me what you think of me.” Later, I discovered an alternate lyric: “ . . . Next time won’t you sing with me?” – an improved invitation to join in rather than assess and judge. Of course, the expectation is that the audience will cheer and praise the performer – a child – and, in this context, that is mostly guaranteed. However, it sets up a premise and habit in which thinking about and seeking “what you think of me” becomes part of the process. It is a mindset that inevitably hinders us in our creative expression. To create what we really want to create and live what we really want to live, it’s best to understand that what other people think of us is inherently irrelevant. We are the creative center of our work and lives; all power to create emanates from within, so what’s happening out there is not nearly as important as what’s happening inside us.

Seeking outside ourselves is a tricky game. Feedback and brainstorming are part of collaborative efforts, but when the work is personal, a product of our vision alone, even smart feedback can distract and screw us up. The tools for creating what we want are in us, so that has to be the primary place we’re looking.

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Writing as a Public Service

During the early days of the quarantine, I kept silent when writer friends revealed they’d turned a viral lemon into a pool-sized vat of lemonade. Stuck at home, they wrote. Some, incessantly. They sold their books. They started new manuscripts. Some found agents. Bottom line, they adapted to the new restrictions, but still engaged their creativity and continued to succeed as writers.

I didn’t. When COVID hit, I couldn’t go near my writing, or even relax enough to read for fun. While many turned their anxiety into literary fuel, I fueled my anxiety with everything COVID. I became obsessed with the news. Ultimately, I created alerts from eight different sources and read their similar stories multiple times. I even set my browser default to the New York Times. At my core I believed my actions were a search for clarity. I wanted – I needed – facts. All the facts. I felt compelled to stand a vigilant watch, otherwise the virus could storm the gates. Of course, it did anyway.

According to a March 2020 article in The Washington Post, when Isaac Newton quarantined at home for a year during the 1665 Great Plague of London, he didn’t allow a similar event to wipe out his creativity. On the contrary, he discovered the Laws of Gravity, Optics, and just for grins, he invented early Calculus.

The showoff.

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Your Compassionate Self: What You Came to Create

When I used to think of compassion, I often thought of those who really deserved compassion – someone like a malnourished child in Africa – the kind shown in UNICEF commercials. Someone clearly innocent and victimized seemed like the best and most appropriate recipient for my compassion. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that often what people are enduring or suffering is invisible to me. They don’t always appear afraid, crying and sad, sickly, starving, or bleeding. In fact, they might appear obnoxious, stubborn, angry, difficult; they might take something from me; they might hurt me; they might even be yelling right at me. Over time I’ve come to believe that authentic compassion means compassion withheld from no one – including me.

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